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Armageddon will be initiated by Thomas Alva Edison, hellishly incensed that his beloved invention, the phonograph, was used to help promulgate something heinous, bloated and devoid of artistic, spiritual or creative value-i.e., JOURNEY.
Posted by Rob Ortenzi on 10-Oct-05 @ 12:00 AM
YEARS OF EXISTENCE: 1973-present, with members taking time off for other mercenary activities (e.g., Hardline, Bad English) and rehabilitation (hip replacement) YEARS OF DECENT EXISTENCE: 1973-1976 BEST RECORDS: (Relatively speaking) Journey (1975), Look Into The Future (1976), Next (1977) WORST RECORDS: Complete list at journeymusic.com/index2.html GO DOWNLOAD: Recipes, stock tips, pornography; anything but this crap. FILE UNDER: Aerosol Cheese, Audio Equivalent Of SIMILAR-SOUNDING DINOSAURS: Boston, Styx, Kansas, Foreigner, Night Ranger, Loverboy and a million other forgotten, bitter "contenders" currently tending bar or running the PA at hardcore matinees in your hometown. THE MUSIC: Journey were created in 1973 by former Santana sidemen Greg Rollie (keyboards) and guitarist Neal Schon, who helmed the band through three albums of jazz-rock fusion that had some hooks (see "To Play Some Music") that might've curled the toes of radio programmers back then (or Mars Volta fans today). Unfortunately, when those records didn't sell, somebody at the record label brought in singer Steve Perry and suggested the band not use so many chords. The resultant album, Infinity, was as safe as baby formula (but only with a third of the flavor), with the musicianship dumbed down exponentially and Perry's "amazing pipes" placed front and center. Rollie would leave soon afterward (to be replaced by former Babys member Jonathan Cain), but Journey wouldn't: They went on to fill stadiums worldwide, despite a revolving door of players (including, at one point, American Idol judge Randy Jackson). In 1997, when Perry needed hip-replacement surgery, Schon & Co. found Steve Augeri, who looked (get some conditioner, dude) and sounded just like Perry. Proof that stadium-rock is the aural equivalent of baby food, while the business is fueled by a snake-venom attitude. WHAT THEY SAY: "The songs are timeless, and, as a whole, they have a way of rekindling the innocence of youthful romance and the rebelliousness of growing up, built from heartfelt songwriting and sturdy musicianship." - Mike DeGagne, All Music Guide To Rock WHAT I SAY: Journey are the nadir of American rock music. End of discussion. Defending this band on any level of artistic merit is akin to beating a hospital patient with nailed two-by-fours in the name of "physical therapy." Now do you see why the Ramones were so important? WHY YOUR (GRAND)PARENTS LIKE THEM: Being spoon-fed is only excusable when you're an infant or on your deathbed. Most of you were probably conceived while a Journey song was playing. Here's hoping you won't need to seek counseling. CURRENT WHEREABOUTS: Lured by the scent of middle-aged wallets, the band launched a 30th anniversary tour this summer that includes "Journeyville," an area featuring continuous music videos and film clips, as well as a traveling museum of the band's career highlights. Attending this thing would be slightly more enjoyable than vomiting blood. Slightly. -Jason Pettigrew |
